Blah weekend.

I am not sure if it was the break or if I just had a ridiculously hectic weekend but I'm pooped! I feel like I've run two marathons and biked in a triathlon! Actually, I probably should because I was loosing weight and this past weekend makes me feel like I put it all back on :(.
I gave Debbie a break starting on Friday because I knew she sincerely needed it. She would poke and joke with me if I was being a "softy" as she has referred to it in the past. I was thriving off of all of our events last week and frankly, I miss it. I want to be back in full swing but I realized this weekend that I need to have a break at least two days a week from this lifestyle. It is extremely exhausting since I've been working a second job again. I went to work last tuesday from 10:30 am until 8 pm then when I got how I started and finished two more projects. I did not go to bed until after midnight and had to do it all over again the next day. After three days of that it really starts to wear on you. I have an intense pain in my muscles from the top of my spine all the way down to my lower back that is constantly emitting a tingling pain. The sad part is I went to the massage therapist last month two times!!!! It's bad I think I need to see a physical therapist or chiropractor. :/ I don't know maybe it will get better when things really jump off with my business! Which, luckily for me my little small at home biz I started is really picking up! Last week I can't believe how many orders I filled while still being dominant, I guess I needed a break this weekend too.

Well, the fun, [thankfully] is over! I am going to get back into my Domme mindset and whip Debbie into shape this week, If I can just get her to the point of no return then I won't have to worry about her little comments getting to me. I know everyone says to keep her gagged the whole time we're at home but to be honest I haven't been. I can't it is so annoying because even on the tightest loop that I personally made she can still wiggle it to make noise which is more annoying than her talking. Well I just got done with a strap on sesh and it was awesome. I actually went ahead and let her have a ruined so she could get some of that goo out of her. I need to get better at milking and I would like to get one of those medical suction machines so it gets all the cum out without letting her get off at all. It seems that it is very painful for the girls's dicky so that would be amazing to own one of those. I hope that I can get back into the Domme mindset I was in last week pretty quickly. It would be nice. I really liked when I just demanded things and she did them. I hate when she asks questions or "why"? Those two things really urk me!
:) I think everything will be better when I get her to another Domme so she can get into a sub space that really makes her submissive.

Yay, here's to hoping it happens sooner rather than later!

M.V.

Just a quick word...

Ehh... The past few days have been, bland, to say the least. Debbie approached me yesterday as soon as I got home from work [she still greeted me properly:)] and asked it we could have a serious conversation. I sighed and said of course, thinking something was wrong, she began with talking about how stressed out with work she has been and how my being so consistent all week had really taken a toll on her mental health. She has a job that requires hours of computer and math stuff that is pretty in depth so mental health is kind of a big deal. I could tell by her bambi eyes that she was being sincere and needed a short, quick break. I told her that since she properly greeted me and approached me in a sincere and non-aggressive way and that she had been so good all week that I would give her the night off. We have actually been going pretty hard core apparently. I guess I thought I was doing an okay job but she described me as doing a REALLY good job! I'm trying so hard to get her into her "sub space" before she goes off to any Domme other than me. I do hope sending her to another Domme is helpful but I am still weary, for all the right reasons I believe. It is very difficult for me to have another women control my slavey for a whole weekend. Don't get me wrong, I would really like to, but I am still trying to figure out why it is bugging me so much thinking about sending her away. Am I scared that this other women will steal her? No not really, I don't think that is possible, my slave loves and cares for me so much more than anything. Do I fear that my Debbie will long for that more intense Domme aspect, YES! I believe that is what I'm most afraid of. The local Domme I've been talking to had actually been talking to Debbie a bit and Debbie apparently liked it a little too much. I forbid her from talking to ANY other Dommes without my permission, other than Amy, I trust her like a sister since she's been there for me since the beginning. So, I found out that Debbie had done something opposite of what I asked of her which is why I forbid her from talking to any D's. She really does enjoy talking to them so I want to be in complete control of who she talks to so she doesn't have too much info. Especially if I'm planning something with a local.
I'm not trying to be a controlling bitch, but I want to have MY things, including her, right were I want them. It's my OCD side coming out I guess.

Well, tonight wasn't much to talk about either, I had big plans for Debbie when I got home and she was asleep. She's allowed an hour of "Deb time" every day after work. When she woke up she came to me again and sat down by me and just poured out everything that was on her mind. She apparently has been overworked, at work and by me, and is just exhausted. So, I decided to cancel my plans for her and told her that if she cleaned the entire house she did not have to wear her outfit or heels and she could just relax from this stressful week. A sissy is no use if she is unhealthy due to stress! I need her in tip-top shape, so I decided it would be for the best.

Another thing I wanted to point out is that my main focus this week was taking control. It was my goal and I think Debbie realized it. EVERY day I would focus on saying and repeating, "I'm in control! I make the decisions, Sissy's don't have a say in what happens! I wear the pants! You do not get to "Decide" anymore!" So I think I'm doing a good job ingraining in her mind that I'm the one in control now, not her. Don't worry everyone a little 2 day break can't stop my momentum at this point ;)

Goodnight! :)

Finally back!

I do apologize to all my lovely readers, the few anyways ;), that I have not posted in almost 5 days! I know I cannot believe it either. I had good intentions of posting every day this week... I even have a reminder set on my phone! I have just been super busy with work and trying to be more consistent. Which I want to add right away that I have been ridiculously consistent this week! WOOHOO! If you want to know super good details just jump over on Debbie's blog, I know she keeps track of everything A LOT better than I do! I don't have to read it to know she's putting every single detail in there.

Well, where to begin? Something happened to me Saturday that I cannot quite explain. I got this amazing urge to just be way better at this relationship. I think I finally realized HOW much she is REALLY doing for me and I feel like I really need to give some extra attention back to her. I mean she is wearing a chastity belt on her little clitty clit. (That's her useless dick in case you didn't get that ;)) I guess between talking to two amazingly helpful Dommes it has become much easier to get into a rhythm. I must say I thought it would take me another 2 weeks to get to the point I'm at now. I have been fucking, whipping, training, and making her wear heels daily! I have never been this good at it before. I feel more alive, although I was sick last night which sucked, I'm over that now so I'm getting back into the swing of things.
One MAJOR improvement is greeting and manners. I guess I've been so use to Debbie's terrible manners for 4 years that they just don't seem to get to me as much anymore. However, my Domme friend B pointed out to me that Debbie has some terrible manners and a bad attitude about a lot of this process. I think that B is right, Debbie has terrible manners. I really don't think I ever noticed it before but now it's getting on my nerves so bad. I am CONSTANTLY correcting her about say "mistress" say "please" say "thank you" or to properly greet me. I think her greet is rather cute, I may have described it before but I'll tell you again in case you don't remember. As soon as I walk in the door from work or shopping or whatever she must kneel and pull my skirt up and kiss my ass, bare of course. Then she is to ask me how my day was. I may start making her kiss my feet too! I'm trying to work my way up so she doesn't get too overwhelmed. I know slaves are suppose to do a lot of things but I want this to be super successful so I'm not going to rush or force Debbie to do things quickly... quickly usually leads to sloppy and I do NOT want a "SLOPPY SLAVE!" That just sounds terrible. Literally, say it out loud, SLOPPY SLAVE. It's just bad! So I want her to be as prim and proper as can be which is why my next outfit I'm making for her is a SCHOOL GiRL! I'm SO excited about it! I think it will be adorable! I'm going to make her wear it during training, that way she will learn better because she'll feel like she's in school!

Doing this!

Unfortunately, I was going to try to take Debbie to the other Domme this weekend but now I'm not sure if that can happen or not. We are still trying to work out the details so we'll see! It would be AMAZING if she could go but if she can't I will be patient and figure out a weekend that works for both Dommes. Just imagine the look on slaves face when she gets to a Domme she doesn't know and has never met! It would be so priceless! I know this sounds crazy but what I truly would like to do one day is take Deb to Amy, the first Domme I ever really talked to. She has been there for me from the VERY beginning. I mean she has stuck by me even when I went A-wall and just stopped talking to her completely. I felt bad about it afterwards but she was like it's cool, it happens. She seems super chill and I hope I get to meet her one day. That would be a dream of mine !!!! ;)

Oh fun times with Debbie this week! So, yesterday I did something that actually made me laugh, but I probably should not have laughed when it happened. As soon as I got home from work I had to punish Debbie for being a bad slave. She was disrespectful to the other domme B and she had forgotten to call me mistress about 10 times. I arrived home from work and she greeted me I immediately told her to go to the bedroom because I had something to do to her. I think she thought I was getting the strap-on because she looked a bit eager and she laid on the bed. I said " um, what are you doing?" Debbie "getting ready, mistress" Me: "he he he, no get over here and put your tall heels on." At that point she realized sh
e was not about to get fucked but she was about to get her ass beaten.  After cuffing her ankles and making sure her heels were on tight, I got the 30'' leg-spreader we made and locked it to her ankle cuffs. I said "Bend over and grab the bar" she kind of gave me a moan of how discomfortable this position was and I told her if she made a big deal about it she could stay like that for a  while. Well needless to say she piped down real quick. I started whipping her with the crop, which I can say UM I'm not that great at yet, but practice makes perfect right? Well I ended up hitting her between the balls, on the back side and she fell to the ground, instantly! I felt bad so I helped her up but then realized very quickly that she was fine, she is SUCH a drama queen! I mean I'm sure it hurt but really I didn't hit her THAT hard. I didn't stop after that though, I made her bend over the bed and take some more licks for being a little bitch about the whippings. I told her it is going to be a lot worse when Domme B does it! I think she is uber scared of Domme B.

I must say I have been very adamant about whipping her every day this week. I know it seems obsessive but I need her to understand that I'M in control. Not her. She is very controlling and I'm trying very hard to break her of that habit. I think in about 3-4 weeks she will be significantly more submissive that she currently is. Oh and tomorrow is hair removal day! We bought some more veet since it worked so great last time and we will be getting rid of all her her nasty dark hair. EVERY WHERE!  I want it all gone now, I like her body so much better hairless and we may end up with a stock pile of veet but at least she will be hair free! :) It makes me very happy to think about her hairless... mmm warm thoughts! One funny thing is we went to the lake this weekend and her brother pointed out that her legs were "shaved" I started laughing and said "yeah! I made him shave them because he has too much hair!" Her brother just laughed and said that's probably a lot cooler for the summer! So it was probably a bit humiliating for Deb. I had fun with it though. I'm hoping to not have to work as much in the next few weeks as I have been. I feel super exhausted. I know this is a long post but I'll update again tomorrow if I have time. For now I'm excited and have found a bunch of new toys I want to buy this weekend :)

Ta-ta for now!

Lemme be clear...

If you go to Debbie's Blog and read it in coherence with my blog you will find that Debbie and I are in this together! This is not a dictatorship and YES I am the one in control but I want to make it very clear that I am not putting Debbie in any harms way. Now on that note I do not apologize to anyone- except Debbie :) - So I will not be saying "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." If you don't like what I say then go away. Thank you!

I have brash opinions and will be doing things to Debbie that not every one will agree with; which is why there is an advisory label before you enter!

Okay now that all that bull shit is out of the way I want to tell all about my fabulous weekend! It started out with Debbie cooking me a wonderful breakfast in her full diaper I love when she waddles around in it, it is so cute! After breakfast I did something I have not done before- strap on in the am! Now I know how good vanilla sex is in the morning, personally it is my absolute favorite- although when Deb and I did have vanilla sex she never did that with me :/  Well it was awesome. I think at one point she actually said " if you keep doing that I'll get off ". I stopped at that point because I want her to be as frustrated with her clit as possible. She is getting to the point were she is begging me for hand jobs. I just tell her no. It is so great to say no to giving any pleasure to her! I cannot wait until she gets to the point were she's asking me to fuck her brains out just to get some satisfaction. I think it's already getting close to that.

Oh and now she has to say Mistress to me anytime she talks... it's rather cute. My Domme friend B [that will be her nickname] actually came up with this, I mean Debbie is to address me as mistress or madam at certain times but I never said she had to ALL the time. I like it better all the time, I think it ingrains it into her head better and faster. Also she has been talking to B for the past few days and she must call her ma'am every time she  talks to her. She apparently is not doing a very good job and will be punished for it later. :) That is exciting for me and I think it puts her on edge a little bit. It is fun to mind fuck her all the time now.

Tonight we got home pretty late and I wanted to use the strap on again! So I did! It is crazy how intense the strap on experiences are becoming. I have decided until I purchase a vibrating cock I'm just going to  use two dildos. I know it sounds funny, but it actually works great! I have been using the large "king kong" dildo which is so much more fun than the tiny one. Oh and don't worry I made her suck on it first! She'e been doing that every time now. I also made her suck on the small dildo while I was fucking her with the big one. It was actually amazing.

I've also been more into slapping her when she says something I don't like, just to correct her right then so she won't disobey me or say something wrong again. I think it's working...

Well I'm exhausted but I'll try to get back on tomorrow.

Fun new D's

I hope I do not always start my blogs the same. I sometimes feel like I do and I really try to change it up so it is not boring. I had a few very interesting conversations today. I have met a local domme who is interested in helping me, which I am very excited about. We had started out by talking about just general D/s relationships and different aspects of our own relationships with our subs. It was nice to talk about more than just doming and it was nice to know that there are other "normal" like minded people out there looking for similar things I want. I was out shopping for some new fabrics for Debbie's new outfits and it hit me! Like a jolt of lighting I asked the Domme, what would you think if I sent Debbie to you for a weekend? She was not taken back, shockingly since we don't know one another, and she said she would consider it. OMG sending your little sissy away for a weekend with a stranger!!!?? Not exactly, obviously I would be very safe in all respects. I would have to go meet up with this other Domme and make sure she is legit and all that mumbo jumbo. I would make sure to lay down ground rules; but not too many since I need my sub whipped into shape. I need her to come back to me crawling and begging for me to just hold her for a while :). I know it seems fast, but the earlier in the relationship I do this the better results I will get! I thought I was crazy at first when I asked, but from what I've read  [unless people make it up all the time] it is not uncommon for beginner dommes to have professional Dommes whip their sub into shape! I think the hardest part is that it is difficult for my sissy to take me seriously because she sees me as her "girlfriend" and not her Domme.

The other D pointed out something that has always been in the back of my mind but I have never openly talked about it on here. Stubborn. My sub "wants" to be submissive but in reality she is VERY stubborn and hard headed. She wants everything to be her way and does not like when she is not in control of something. I know this is NO way for a sub to act, obviously the whole point is to be exactly opposite, aka a submissive or slave! DUH! I know this but it is VERY difficult to train an extremely controlling person to be less controlling and more submissive. If I have brought this up before I do not think I went into as much detail as I probably should have. For instance, tonight we were talking about her going to stay with the other D and she went on and on and ON about how she wants the experience to be perfect and for her to get the "most" out of it... WHAT? REALLY? I mean that is great and all but she is not suppose to be the one that makes the decisions on what she gets out of anything! I mean maybe I'm being a bit unruly about this but I just feel like she is ALWAYS trying to be the one in charge and that is why I am so adamant about sending her to a pro. I do not think I can "break" her like I previously thought I could. I mean I think I COULD but it would take a lot longer than two or three days. At some point it would be nice to send her away for a while week with another D. I think that would excite me. I really want to watch another D in action. I know that may sound weird but I think it would be beneficial to see how another D treats a sub, especially if it was my sub.

Clean house and files are working!

I love coming home to a clean house... and eating a GREAT dinner is another great beny of having a slave! I think she had to make up for last night's terrible nibbles. I think I hurt her feelings a bit when I flat out told her "this is really bad". She got over it and cooked an amazing veil dinner with baked potatoes, salad and sauteed onions. Yum! Okay... now to the good part. :D

It was a slow evening, I had to work on some stuff that is due tomorrow so I chained sissy to the bed and played the files for about an hour. While she was chained up I was not satisfied with the gag she has. I took it off and cut another hole in the strap below the shortest length. She has always been able to more the gag around in her mouth which bothers me... well now she can't :). I really loved the expression on her face when I pulled the gag so tight she couldn't budge it! It gave me warm feelings all over. Hopefully I'm not a sadist... hehe. I do often find satisfaction when I accidentally cause her pain. It sometimes gives me an overwhelming feeling of joy and goosebumps! Not sure if that is a good thing or bad? I know this is going to be a short post but I will say that I have been going back and re-reading my goals. I have not been doing it daily like I should be, but at least I am looking at them and keeping the goals fresh in my mind! I am going to be on craigslist a bunch this weekend and looking in the paper and on ebay for some good deals on fun items! Yes I want a high chair, why? I don't know probably because Amy has talked about it so much that it has made me want one! hehe :) Maybe it is because I think Debbie will look so damn cute sitting in a highchair eating her din-din with a huge bib on that has a big "D" in the center with ducks and abc's blocks! haha it does sound adorable. UGH I knew this would happen if Amy kept talking about baby stuff all the time. It makes me wanna turn sissy into a baby sometimes. I don't know yet we'll see what happens I guess!

Okay, sorry this is so short but I'm off work early tomorrow so I'll get on here and my FetLife to update!
yay!

***EDIT***

I do not edit my posts often, but I wanted everyone to be aware that I did have a discussion with my superior Domme and she and I set up a timeline of goals. This is a very good thing for me, we spent a lot of time on it and I have been checking it daily to see what I need to do/change to accomplish my goals! I just wanted to inform everyone that as of now I have completed two goals :). I am being more consistent with the strap on and I am remembering to train and make her greet me upon arriving home. Even though these may not sound like huge milestones- for me they are! I have such a hard time just remembering what I need to do on a daily basis that for me to have actually done this all week (since she got home) is great! I think this means I need to reward myself with a little present :).

I love when sissy comes home!

It's always so much fun when sissy returns from a work trip. We had a lovely dinner with some family and afterwards we went back home to relax... So sissy thought! I had other plans in mind. I'm getting better at remembering what I want to do to her when we get home. She has had a dry spell for the past few days since she was out of town so as soon as we arrived home I instructed her to put the medium butt plug in. She did as she was told and I went about finishing up the petticoat I started! It turned out great! It is going to pair so nicely with her new skirt! When I was done I instructed her to lay on the bed. She nicely begged to lay on her stomach for once because she was so tired from traveling and I said that was fine. I got out my regular size strap on, lubed it up really nicely and started going at it. After a few minutes I realized how nice and loose she was and how much she was enjoying it! So I decided to get on my King Kong! That's my large strap on its close to double the size of the regular one. :D I put on King Kong and then I took the vibrator and put it under the strap on in between my legs. It was magical! Between the thrusting, the vibrating, and the moaning I easily got off which is still an odd feeling but it was great! After a little while I slowly slid out of her and cleaned up. [hehe] She was moaning in pain yet I think she thoroughly enjoyed this strap on session. I believe after almost 3 whole days of not having any touch, slap, strap on, or any type of arousal she was VERY horny. I was very pleased with the session. It was pretty late by the time we got done, so I decided not to do the files last night. It was pretty late when we finally went to bed so I believe it was a successful night!

I got off work late tonight, around 8:15-8:30 and when I arrived Sissy had just gotten home. I was a little shocked by this because normally when I come home the house is super clean and dinner is being prepared. Well, I guess she had to work late or help her mom out so she got home much later than usual. Ugh, I guess sometimes life just gets in the way of this... annoyingly. Well, dinner was not the best- rather bland. Normally she is a great cook, rather creative in the kitchen might I add. I don't know I guess we need to go grocery shopping. After dinner... I had to get some work done so sissy just cleaned the kitchen like she was told. I did have a nice good spanking session after my work and explained to her that she is not to sit on the couch while eating and to remember to greet me every time I come home from work. Soon I am really going to get intense with the rules. I am going over a few rules everyday to get her in the habit of understanding them. I guess all slaves are bad after a few days of being off. Ugh work trips! It's such a catch 22, it's nice to have time alone but bad because when she comes back she is back into old habits. I need to figure out how to be more strict with her. I know how badly I want to be serious, I think I have to get an isolation mask. I remember in Mobico's story that his wife had a very difficult time especially in the beginning at being strict and serious. I remember at some point she said she could not take her role seriously because all she saw when she looked at him was her husband and not her slave. I need to have that authority in order to be better at this. I think the mask is my only option. Right now when I try to be serious I just end up laughing because sissy will make a stupid silly face or make a funny noise. I laugh at just about anything so she can very easily distract me.

I think the isolation hood, the crib with a locking closing door, and a highchair would all be great additions to our little collection.
Yay!

Tired and ready

First of all I would like to apologize for this short post... I will update more tomorrow night.

Slave is still away... sigh. I wish she was here so she could fetch me some water. I have a feeling I will not be doing things for my self anymore... hehehe, it kind of excites me a lot! I am trying to use commands all the time from now on, but it's hard when she's gone ;*( I just really hate getting out of bed to get water and I alway seem to forget to get some before I walk all the way into the bedroom. Everything will be back to "normal" tomorrow! :) yippee!!! I am so ready for sissy deb to be back. I guess you sometimes forget how much you like having someone around until they are gone for a few days. ;) I guess since we are constantly with one another it's easy to forget the how excited you can get when they come back home. 

So today was mostly successful, I went over my goals again to get them fresh in my mind for when sissy returns. I am excited to say I feel very confident in the next few weeks. I feel like I'm trying to juggle so much right now, between work, taking the dog on a walk, thinking of new evil plans, trying to message my coach back and making new outfits for debbie it is a lot of damn work. I', glad to have had the past two days to myself to be honest. I just relaxed- which I NEVER do! Literally, I never sit down and just do what I want for myself so I took advantage and I'm really glad. I also started a new petticoat for deb since she apparently lost hers... I need to punish her for that as well. I literally cannot find it anywhere it's like she hid it from me. It is okay though because her new one is about 20x as fluffy as the last one anyways so it will be so much better! OMG and I got a new pattern with FIVE different outfits!!!! Normally I would try to come up with my own pattern but it takes way too much time especially since I do not know her measurements as well as I know my own. It is very difficult to make outfits from scratch but with a pattern it will cut the time in half-- and be complete :). I tend to procrastinate if it takes too long. 

So I have a few projects started, I will finish up the petticoat tomorrow I will also post some real pics of it! Yay I can't wait for my slave to get back.. ugh I need a glass of water.

Talk soon.

Sad day... Sissies gone :(

Weird, but fun!

I know it seems as though one would like a break after constantly being around each other everyday for the past three or so years. I normally fall asleep rather quickly but for some reason when sissy is gone [which is very rare] I lay in bed thinking about her and many other things... although I feel my thought process is a bit different now. I am thinking about all of the fun outfits I get to make her and how I can't wait until she gets home to use the strap on again! Sigh... sounds like so much fun right now. I am going to come up with a bunch of fun things for her to do when she gets back. One great thing is the "veet" finally worked! We did it right so she was super smooth for the past two days! I was so happy I'm going to get a stock pile of bottles before she gets back. I want to do her whole body now! I'm also going to make her a new petticoat while she's gone. It will be her return home present! It will be much fluffier and bigger than the last one. I also am going to start her pink outfit! Super excited about that!!! Even though I'm super sad she's gone, it is kind of nice having the house to myself. I haven't had it this way in a very long time. I can do whatever I want whenever I want however I want... well I do that anyways... hehe. Without her here though I can work on my fun stuff which I love! I also think I'm going to hang out with a girlfriend tomorrow, something I never get to do.

I hate her face, love her outfit.

I have big plans in store for the next few days, I'm going to get a lot done while she's gone! When she gets back I plan on her doing some deep cleaning/ organizing around the house so she will be very busy when she gets back from her trip. It's so weird missing her... the house feels so empty without her here. I cannot describe too much of what I want to do to her when she gets back because I know she reads my blog, which I have allowed her to do. So I'll give you all the details after she gets back from her trip! One thing I am very excited about is her full diapers!!! This weekend she made a huge mess in her diaper right after I went to bed! I mean she slept in it all night long! Which is so great, she's becoming more dependent of diapers so much faster than I thought! Pretty soon she is not going to be in full time diapers because I want her to be but, rather because she has to be!

This would work too!!!

I think she needs to start sleeping in a cage very soon... like in the next few weeks! I think we're ordering the max cita around October so it should get here before the holidays which would be super nice! It just seems crazy because I've been getting more and more excited everyday about this lifestyle. I think I'm going to have to save up and get a sexy vinyl outfit with some tall knee high lace up boots! Yeah I guess you could say I look forward to the next few weeks! WooHoo!

I want to get to the point were I do not have to tell her anymore what I want her to do, she just automatically knows! That's why I want to get more serious about training. I really can't wait until she gets back so we can pick it back up again! I was doing good and then of course she has to leave for work. :(
This is going to be it for tonight. I will post more as soon as I can get some pics of the petticoat!


Good night for now!

Success!

Tonight was the epitome of a successful D/s relationship. I am so excited to say that I believe I am recharged and ready to go forward! I have not had this much excitement about this relationship yet and I'm glad I finally got some more momentum. Although some of my posts may sound as though things are going along at a pretty rapid pace I personally do not feel they are. I think tonight I had a break through. I did multiple things that I was "worried" about and got over it and of course like things in the past I have been skeptical to try, as soon as I feel some sort of power surge through my body I'm instantly in love with whatever made me feel that way. Ahh... coach, you were right.

Well, tonight started off rather normal, sissy got home and she had her "time". During which she practiced one of her favorite sports, I might add she is getting much better at it. :)  [Sorry I cannot go into more detail about our personal life, we must be somewhat discretionary for our identities/jobs. ] When she was through with her hour I told her to get ready. She was completely unaware of what was about to happen. I took her into the bathroom to get rid of all the gross hair is finally [mostly] bump free. I wanted it all gone and this time I was going to make sure she did not get the painful razor bumps. So I went for the veet, god it makes her skin as smooth as a baby's bottom- it's ridiculous! It took a little while for us to get it to work properly- if you leave it on for too long it will leave the bumps just like last time. Then I told her it was time to get dressed! She went ahead and put on her cute maids costume and as soon as we tightened the tall 3.5'' heels on it was off to the bathroom again. This time I dolled her entire face up! I made sure she shaved fist so there wasn't any hair. I used some powder to make her face look super smooth and give her a great complexion then I put some blush, hot pink/purple-ish lipstick, purple eyeshadow with a wing tipped eyelid, and of course glitter! I LOVE glitter! The glitter I used was hot pink and blue it worked perfectly with the purple eyeshadow! It really did look good. I told her multiple times she would be a good looking girl and could even pull off being a drag queen! hahahahah It was actually really fun. I completed her look with a red wig that just pulled the entire look together.
After we got her all dolled up, I started the training. This is something I am going to be more consistent with everyday! I will train every day even if it's just for a few minutes! If I don't I know I will loose all the hard work we've done up to that point. So I will make a promise to myself, my blog, and my slave that I will be more consistent with training to get her to the point she needs to be! I made a new goal list today with my coach. I am not going to post it on here since my slave would be able to see it so for my own sake I'm going to keep it in my little book I made today. That way I have it there as a reminder everyday! We trained for a little bit, it was pretty simple- kneel, worship, punishment, corner, spreadeagle and a few others- she was really good, really quick! I made sure her posture was perfect and that everything I said she did it instantly. I think my favorite command is fetch. HEHE! I made her fetch me a glass of water before bed, after she had just got back from the kitchen! Score! haha. Anyways, after the training we had to run to the store, unfortunately, so we had to wash off the make-up (sad!) and took off her beautiful wig. [I didn't know we had to go to the store or I would have gone there before spending all that time on her face!] After we got back from the store I really wanted to practice some bondage. I've been wanting to get back into it but just haven't had the time or urge to yet. Well- let's just say I need more practice. Obviously, practice makes perfect so we're going to have to work on rope bondage a lot more, especially when we really have time because at that point it was already after 9 pm so we really didn't have much time. Debbie actually offered to show me some rope tricks, she knows these from her childhood I guess. I don't know much about rope- I mean I've only used bondage a few other times during one of our last attempts. I can't even remember what we tried honestly.

Well by the end of the night I know sissy was tired because she kept trying to say let's just lay down but I was determined to do everything on my list! I know it has been a while since I used the strap on so I wanted to reinforce that I was the one in charge and we were not going to go to sleep- because that would mean I gave in and let her be in charge. I'm going to be more aware of her little mind tricks she is always trying to use on me. I'm not going to let her make me think it was my idea to not do something. Like when she says " I know YOU'RE so tired, I know YOU want to go to sleep."Yep that's not going to work anymore. I am putting my guard up so I do not give in easily like I have in the past. I also am going to be more consistent on fucking her on a daily basis since I have not been doing that either. I actually used the bigger strap on tonight that we have and I made her suck on it! I was a bit timid to do this at first but after we got into it I easily let go of the skepticism and understood why D's do it. It gives you a power trip and I loved it. I know she did not want to do it either she kept biting it and not sucking it right and I finally just made her do it. It felt good to be the one on top. Honestly, I never really gave him head that often but I did catch myself saying something along the lines of "yeah now you know how it feels for all the girls you've ever shoved your dick into their mouths!" I don't know it just came over me. I really wasn't planning on doing all of this it just started happening and it kind of felt natural I guess? I do like the strap on and I don't know why I have not been using it on a daily basis. So that will definitely be changing. It felt amazing to finally be using the strap on again and I had her legs strapped to the spreader bar we made which makes it more fun. Oh and to make it clear, I started out with the bigger one, the one I made her suck and I could tell I still haven't prepared her enough for it because it was causing a lot of pain for her so I was nice and switched to the regular size one.

It was a great night! I felt very successful. The only thing we really did not have time for that I wanted to do was listen to her files, ugh, but I think other than that it was an amazing night and I cannot wait for this to progress further and further!

Inconsistent much?

I just want to start out by saying how jealous I am of all the mistresses/dommes out there that have the energy and the drive to be consistent 24/7. I KNOW I am suppose to be consistent and work on this and train day in and day out. But it's so hard!!! How do you train for an hour or two after a 9 hour work day? I only get a 30 min break and honestly, I normally work through it... It's so frustrating because I want to be the best at this but right now, I'm not. I was at work all day yesterday and I had everything planned out- the " perfect evening". [This is how I planned it all out in my head] It was going to start by me coming home and slave properly greeting me, then she'd cook dinner in her outfit, then I was going to start her new outfit while she was locked up listening to her files, in her room she built. I figured I would let her listen to the files for about an hour or two and I would have the vibrator in her the whole time! I then wanted to take her with the strap on right before going to bed. I just wanted to mind fuck her, while fucking her literally. WELL... kir-splat! I get home and am pooped and just put her diaper on and tie her to the bed and play files. I can tell when the files have not worked. She has this look in her eyes when they sink in deep and she usually hugs me or asks me questions in a different tone. It is interesting to see, it's almost like an instant change in her personality. Well when she was done listening to her files she just seemed frustrated. It is SO hard for me not to read her blog!!! It would be the easiest way ever to see what she's thinking- however I promised her I would post on my blog daily and I would let her have her blog as a "safe place" for her. I just wish she would tell me if there is something wrong or frustration. I know how easily frustration could lead to not wanting to do this anymore--and I REALLY do not want that to happen!! Anyways, I mean there was nothing special about last night but she always has these excuses that make sense to me. I know she's doing it to see how easy it is for her to get out of doing chores or wearing her outfit. I'm NOT letting that happen anymore! I know how conniving she can be and I need to stop letting her get in my head. I hate to do it because it makes me sad but I think I'm going to break down and start gagging her from the time I get home.. I know it's a good training technique but I hate to use the gag all the time. I ENJOY talking to my little sissy when I get home from a long day. I don't tell her this often but I think I enjoy talking to her more at the end of a work day than any other time. She always makes me laugh about stupid things and just makes me smile after stressful days.

I guess I have a problem with associating dominate with mean. I am realizing now that they do not go hand in hand. Actually, I believe they should probably be kept separate  or bad things could happen. So I need to work on the tone in my voice... I don't really know how to though?!! Any ideas let me know. My slave ALWAYS thinks I'm mad, I'm seriously never really mad at her- ever! I think I've had this problem my whole life. I guess when I think someone is not listening I strain my voice and it makes my tone get angry sounding. I remember in high school I would repeat something more than once to one of my friends and they'd think I was being bitchy towards them, I would always think to myself "WTF?!".
I know that was a ramble but it's just been on my mind.

So tonight was different. I did something that most D's would think is wrong or should not ever happen but hey! we're human! I am not at all regretful for what I did tonight plus it was kind of an amazing experience for me. I like to play with sissy's clitty when ever she listens to the files [although I didn't last night :/] I really think it makes her associate pleasure with hypnosis which will lead to better results- I hope! Well I was using the butt plug at first to get her hole ready for me and then I got the vibrator out, she goes nuts when I use it on her. I guess I got really horny and decided what the hell I should just ride her for a minute to make her get even more riled up. I put on the hypnosis file "cum for your mistress" and put two condoms on and just went at it. We haven't had "Sex" in a long time so I got off quite a few times pretty quickly and it was fucking awesome it felt so good to be riding her on top while she was chained to the bed in fishnets, maids outfit, blindfolded, with lingerie on. I guess I kind of had the same power trip like when I was using the strap on. It was not like I was getting off to just sex it was way more intense than sex. That was kind of the point when I started thinking I was more of that feeling. So I guess it made me remember how I felt with the strap on so I think I'm going to start preparing her for the strap on more often! I want to get a vibrating one I think, or a two sided one! I did not let her hump or get off while I was riding her but I gave her a ruined orgasm afterwards to drain her, I haven't quit got the milking down yet :/ . I think I need to watch some more videos on that. I've seen quite a few and I have the right tools so IDK maybe I need to be more patient. So yes, I guess I could say I've been pretty damn inconsistent but I swear I plan on getting better every day. I mean I guess this is really a learning process for both of us. I'm going to fuck up and so is she. I'm not going to punish myself for doing something that not every D would do because every one is different I guess.

Now for a map of my next year- This was kind of requested so I guess I'm going to try to make this as good/realistic as possible.

Two weeks from now- I plan to really get into the groove of things. I'm will be more consistent and train much better on a daily basis.
Three weeks from now- I really want to start getting back into bondage! I was good at it when we tried and I want to start getting really consistent at using bondage more often and in more fun ways!
Four weeks from now- I want to have the max cita ordered and the new cage ordered! I want to start using them on a daily basis!!!
Six weeks from now- I want her to be completely dependent on diapers! I want her to have extra soakers for night time, day time diapers and multiple covers to fit my mood!
Eight weeks from now- I want her to be completely broken in and trained. I want to say a word, phrase or snap and her to instantly turn into my little bitch about anything. At this point I would like to have another local D that could come over and babysit if needed so I can go have girl night and embarrass her exponentially.
Twelve weeks from now- sleeping in the kennel on a nightly basis or crib if I get one.
Eighteen weeks from now- basically mine. At this point pretty much I won't have to say or do anything for myself anymore- she will be 100% loyal and dedicated to me so I won't have to train as much at this point- she should be fully trained and know everything I want or need, when I need it.

This is just a starting point. I can get more detailed later. I think this is just a rough draft type of thing :) hehe. I don't really know "where" I want this to be a year from now. Will I cuckold? I don't know yet. I'm not under the impression that every slave must be cuckolded. I just don't think that's my thing- but that could totally change.
If there is anything that could be added let me know. I will also think about this more over the next few days. Like I stated this is a very rough draft of what I would like to do over the next few weeks. I know it seems "lacking" right now, but this is a very non detailed idea of what I would like.

Talk soon.

Joy!

I love this lifestyle! Most of the things I wanted to do today got done in a timely manner! Sissy had to get some things done for work a little late today, so as soon as she got home she got diapered! I was actually off work already for once! I had to run one errand so I told her she needed to be dressed and heeled with her diaper on before I left. She got all dolled up and it was so cute! I did take a pic later on but it is not suitable for the blog. She still has hairy legs! I know, I know!! Shame on me... but I must say we have tried many different methods to shaving--literally all the shaving secrets-- nothing has worked! I'm going to end up getting her laser hair removal I believe. I know I want to do it on her ass for sure! It's not THAT painful.. I've had my entire brazilian laser treated and of course they say 6 treatments is enough but honestly that is not entirely true- you still have to get regular touch up treatments 2 to 3 times yearly until all of the hair follicles have been neutralized! Until then, I guess we're going to have to go by a single blade razor and see if it works. That is probably the only thing that we have not tried yet. Her skin is just so sensitive!

So after I got her all dressed up I left for about 15 minutes and she cleaned in her heels and all! I cannot wait to post pics on here! It will be fun once all my readers get to see some fun! I had her deep clean the bathroom and cook dinner-- which she always cooks dinner. It turned out very nice! I love going to bed in a clean home. :) It makes me less stressed. I long for the day that I have a cage so when she's done I can lock her up and let her listen to her wav files. I also had her sweep all the floors and get the entire kitchen cleaned. I think she cleans better in heels and her maids outfit. It makes her more apt to get the job done faster!!! I think I'm also going to make her start wearing some cute pink or polka dotted outfits to bed. I'll make sure they're super frilly too!

Her diaper! Oh her diaper!!! I think she's getting the picture, she is not allowed to go to the bathroom on her terms anymore. As soon as she's done with work, her bowels are mine. I made her use a suppository tonight... hehehe those things are amazing and evil! they work almost instantly it's great! I actually had to wear a gas mask the smell was so retched. I know that's a lot to handle and I'm sorry if I've disgusted you. It is so great to see her face when I'm changing her diaper! I can tell she hates me so much during those moments. Especially like tonight. That mess was just fowl! I believe she is going to become very dependent on her diapers very soon. She is literally using them instantly when I put one on. I know she's using it more during the night too because she wakes up with a diaper 3x the size it was when we went to bed the night before. I guess a combo of the files and making sure I get her into diapers quickly is becoming more natural to her to just use them instantly.

Sorry for the short post [I'm exhausted] but I'm going to finish it up in the morning! I will also get some more pics on here for you guys!

love~!

Simple Pleasures

I find it so amusing that I gain pleasure from watching Debbie suffer. She woke up Saturday morning soaking wet! It was great, it makes me feel funny in a good way waking up to a full diaper. I must say I do believe I need a Wav file specifically for diaper usage, bed wetting, and making a good mess. I know it probably seems so twisted and disgusting. Do not misunderstand this- I do not by any means get off to a soaked diaper. There is however, a specific joy I get from know how dependent she will be one day. I love the thought about her constantly thinking of me day in and day out because she is reminded of me every time she sits, stands, walks, crawls, wakes up, goes to sleep... you get the idea. I believe it will soon become a part of every day life, especially because  I will be investing in some soakers and day time diapers. I get mad at myself sometimes when I forget to put her in them right away. Tonight was a perfect example. We went to dinner and when we got home I was so busy finishing up some work that has to be done for tomorrow that I simply forgot to put her into her night time diaper. UGH! I am getting much more consistent and better at remembering things, although I am by no means perfect. I struggle every day with remembering simple things and I am hoping that this lifestyle will actually help that problem. Maybe once I'm not so stressed out I will be able to remember better :) .

I went shopping yesterday, it was so great to just buy her fun things. I am just wondering how drag queens find amazing pumps! I literally went to every store I could think of in town that would sell size 12 or 13 size shoes. Well I had no luck. I went to about seven stores total and then I looked up on my phone "where to buy size 13 women's heels??!" I was shocked to find "payless" was the most popular result! I thought that was kind of funny. Well I checked out a few other places before going there (payless is way farther than anyone store from my house) and had no luck at those places, I actually asked one of the sales clerks were to go and she suggested payless! I thought to myself, well shit at least if I go there the shoes will be so cheap I won't regret buying them. So I get to the store and am looking around in the enormous sizes of women's pumps, I'm amazed at how many decent selections they actually have! The sales clerk comes up to me with a confused look on his face and asks if I need help [obviously I looked lost, I'm rather petite with tiny feet ;P ] I tell him I'm just shopping for a girlfriend. I kind of chuckled too, he probably knew it was for a man. Maybe not?!  I don't know, I wanted to badly to blurt out " it's for my sissy slave bitch!" That could turn into a nightmare so I just kept quite! I must say I was impressed with the selection and actually bought two pairs of shoes for half the price I originally budgeted for! woo woo! I thought that was awesome! One of the pairs are about 4.5 inch pumps with patent leather, an open toe and sling back. The others are short, about 2 inch heels with black satin and a little bow detail! Super cutes ! I'll put pics up later. I also stopped by the lingerie store and got a super feminine nightie with lace down the front and it's "slimming" hehe, with plenty of room for fake boobs in the chest! Which I plan on purchasing soon! I am getting more excited every day! I cannot wait to get a cage for her to sleep in on the weekends. Obviously, she could not sleep in it on the weeknights, unfortunately :( . I can't deprive her of sleep on the weekdays because work is too important. I wish I could just keep her caged up all the time. Like my little specimen to do with whatever I please. :) I sound like a crazy bitch huh?

I have decided to make her another outfit! It's going to be super cute. I have this hot pink material that is really shiny and kind of like spandex but not as tight. I'm going to make her a corset 'looking' top that ties in the back and a fitted super mini skirt that her ass will hang out of. Maybe something like this will be good, mine will be hot pink though and sparkly! So much fun! I cannot wait!!! I do not necessarily like pink that much, I do feel that it is perfect for appropriate femming though! I will probably end up making a lot of outfits for her, she'll probably have more clothes than me at some point! I am still interested in the locking heel cuffs so I guess I'll be looking into those soon as well. I just realized this is basically a list of all the things I need to buy! I don't care I'm so excited about everything right now. It's almost like that point in the beginning of a relationship when you still get all giddy and butterflies in your tummy. It's so much fun and so cute!

I love getting pleasure out of such simple things. I also want a frilly diaper cover ! It would go over her plastic panties. I think I am going to have to upgrade her panties soon because they do not work as well as they should. I think the cute animal print panties will be better for the next purchase. They are larger for my coverage and I believe are thicker so that will be perfect!
I think Debbie may need a crib at some point. I have always been on the edge about the baby aspect of it, but I guess I will just succumb to it because evidently it goes had in hand with everything else I'm doing.



I'll be back soon, I cannot wait to update after tomorrrow!

Disappointing to say the least...

I'm not feeling well today. Unfortunately, I believe I am anemic again, ;( I use to suffer from this back in college. It is very unfortunate to say the least, it is also rather frustrating. I went to work as usual and around noon started to feel very light headed and nauseous. It was funny because one of my coworkers said "are you pregnant?!" I chuckled and said "that's not possible". Of course I did not go into detail I'm sure they just took it as having "safe sex". Sometimes I wish I could just blurt out "hell no he doesn't get to have vanilla sex with this anymore." Obviously, that is not practical to say aloud but it would be rather funny. So I made it to about two o'clock before I had to just sit down and not move for a while I took my break earlier than usual because my head was pounded and I felt drained of all energy. My manager [who normally does not care about anyone's feelings, especially if you're sick, she hasn't taken a sick day in over 12 years!!!] asked me if I was okay! I responded with ''no, but I'll make it through the day." I truly love my job and I really hate when others call in sick so I just stayed the rest of the day even though she told me I could go home early. I had apparently looked like shit and was paler than an albino, I work with all women so they make sure you know when you look bad.

So I got home around eight and just laid down. I never take naps, I hate naps, I think they're a waste of time. I did it anyway and of course could not actually go to sleep, instead I just whined the whole time about how hungry I was and how I have no blood left in my body and that I was going to die if I didn't get any red meat. [ I can be a little dramatic at times ;) ] Sissy was sick of my complaining [ hehe ] and did as she was told, she got up and cooked me a wonderful dinner, steak and potatoes; just like I wanted. I love having her at my beck and call. Well unfortunately as you can probably tell I was too tired to do anything more than whine and complain and lay on the couch eating and drinking until I wanted to go lay in the bed and get on here to post on this blog. So now I have to take a bunch of iron tablets to get my levels back to normal so hopefully I will have more energy tomorrow.

I believe my plans that I had made for tonight must be played out tomorrow, I will do everything in my power to be able to go through with it. Some of it involves waxing the behind! hehehe I'm excited about that! I want her smooth like a baby's bottom!

Sorry for the somewhat lame post. It will better when I feel a little more on top of my game. As of now I feel like my head is going to explode so I guess I will reply to the comments from earlier and then head to bed in hopes of tomorrow being more successful!

Lydia, Yes I am saving for the max cita! I am so excited to get one! From what I've read and heard they are the best, my mentor is actually the first one who ever told me about the max cita. From day one she has been raving about it and it gets me pretty excited to say the least! Debbie has actually been looking for people to make a cage that is hand welded together but it is like triple the price of a normal one.I guess we shall see. I do not want a cheap cage and a custom one would be ideal! I just don't know about paying upwards of four to five hundred dollars. : / I do look forward to her not being able to get out of bed in the middle of the night. She has a sleep eating problem... it is odd like in the middle of the night she just craves chocolate or even worse milk! It so grosses me out. I have heard of the deep heat and have read a few blogs of women using it or a generic version of it. I am pretty fond of Ms. Scarlet's blog and read every new post. She is intense and I love it! I will more than likely use her as a guide throughout this process as well. Thanks again for your input! I love it!

Two wonderful days

I will begin this post with replying to the last comments, Amy- I'm sorry! I've been really busy these past two days! Normally I'm really good about emailing back but I've been on my phone looking at images and other sources too much! ;) I'll reply to you tonight! 

Lydia- Thank you for your input. I will begin with commenting on the long term progression of this lifestyle. I do not know if I would cuckold yet, it has crossed my mind a few times but normally when it does I get a bit uncanny. I do intend to use a strap on often, I believe you will like my post tonight, it will be rather detail oriented. I'm not sure why cuckolding makes me uncomfortable, it just does. I have read many women's p.o.v's on this and most agree that it is needed for an extra level of control and humiliation but honestly if I'm not interested in it I am okay with that. I do not believe that there is a specific way to live this lifestyle. I think whatever makes me happy will suffice. I will not settle though. If I want to go further or to explore other options such as cuckolding or whatever else may come about I can always change my mind. That is a beautiful thing to me, knowing that nothing is set in stone. I feel that my journey will lead me on the right path and that I will figure out my own inner domme and it will be amazing. At least, that is what I can only hope for.

Yes, we have explored rope bondage and I was pretty good at it, so I will be implementing it more daily now that things are settling down. I do use bondage when she is tied up for her wav files. Her room is no ventilated [working on that this weekend! ;) ] So I tie her to the bed with wrist/ankle cuffs and chains. I have to tie them pretty tight or else she distracts herself from the wav files by moving her arms or legs and rattling the chains. I have it set up now to where she cannot move enough to make noise which helps her focus on her files better. 

What I meant by " no going back", I have a very strong personality. If I seek something I go after it without a doubt in my mind. I guess I become somewhat unconcerned as too others feelings so it could be a great thing or a bad thing. I will have to make sure to keep myself in check so I do not go overboard. What I mean by overboard is I do not want to loose track of my goals. I do not want to destroy our relationship. I want her to be mine and for her to listen to, obey, and do everything I want and ask, and don't ask! I also want to make sure I do not take advantage because I feel that if I loose sight of my goals that I would take advantage far too quickly. 

I hope that makes sense?!!! Also, I'm sure it is a great read! I know how good of a writer she is and she has a spectacular way with words! She can be very cunning... 

The past two days have been amazing! I believe I am getting into the swing of things! Last night I told her if she was not in her uniform when I got home she would face consequences. I arrived home from work and there she was tying to make an excuse as to why she was not in her maids uniform. Of course I kept my cool but told her to get prepared. I had intended to do the wav files no matter what but I was only going to do one round of them, instead I repeated them. If she had been in her uniform I probably would have just tied her up in rope bondage. I know how much she hates the files so its part of her punishment for now. Soon she will be tied up in her heels with headphones on listening to her files. I cannot wait for that day to come! I actually tried checking my email during this time but the computer I was using was so damn slow I gave up and just started looking at tumblr on my phone. MMMhhhmm... some of the pictures I've seen and found are just so amazing. I love it! I do want to start waxing her. Nothing else seems to work. It all gives her bumps after a few days. We've tried a fresh new razor, veet, and I don't know it just seems like we've tried a lot. I do want to start the femming process more but it's so much damn work to shave, I feel like she has more hair now! It is so annoying! I think I'm going to see if the waxing helps. It's not the regular type of hot wax that looks like honey, it is a gentler wax that peels off rather than using muslim to rip the hair out.I personally think it works and feels better than traditional waxing so we shall see how it goes.

I need to do this!

So, today was even better than yesterday. Debbie had to go to the funeral today of his family member, so she was home late. When she got back we ate dinner and watched a bit of TV to just chill out for a bit then I told her to go into the bedroom so she could do her files. I did not tell her what I had planned on doing during her files. I did something I have never thought to do before, I played with her and had a vibrator inside of her while the files were playing. I think if I do that every so often she will associate files with pleasure so she will be more apt to listen to them. I can tell she really goes to a different place when using the files on her. It is great to watch. I had a medium size plug in her at first and I noticed she was starting to go up and down like she was trying to fuck it and so I got the vibrator out. She literally started fucking the dildo and I don't think she realized it. If she did realize it I don't think she would openly admit it to me unless I made her. ;) It was fun, it actually got me really horny, which kind of made me fuck up a little. I was trying to give her a ruined orgasm but I think I went a little too long  I think she actually enjoyed it... :/ ehh I need to look into that more. So if anyone has tips please let me know! I have watched videos on it but I guess it's harder to do than it looks. I'm going to start saving the cum from now on. I have not done it yet because she's really only cummed one other time so I need to get a dispenser to hold it in. I think I'll use plastic film caps or something of that size. So yes, I got super horny and made her fuck me with a strap on. I made her use the big one ;) It was okay and after I got all clean it finally hit me why mistresses cuckold. It was like a bolt of lighting striking me. I never had realized before that moment why women wanted to use other men... because the real thing is so much better than any fake dildo, no matter how "real life like" it is. I still don't know about cuckolding though. I guess we'll see!

Well, I will be updating tomorrow, hopefully everything will go as planned. FYI,  I never talk about what my plans are in advance on here just incase little clitty clit tries to read this for info!

Talk soon!

A quick word before work.

I sound like a broken record but I rarely have time for myself, which is why I always ask sissy to wake me up in the morning. I know a lot of people get up super early like around 6 or 7, but I haven't been able to do that since college. A little back track on my life, which is somewhat relevant to the lifestyle we're living now. In college I switched majors maybe five or six times, as most young eager college students do. The guy I was dating at the time was extremely controlling, nothing bad just OCD and very adamant about studying and being on a very specific schedule... I actually wish I had picked up some of those traits. Anyways, when he and I were dating I use to get up really early, I was never late to class my first two years of college... like ever it was crazy because you would think being a first year student you would party a lot and get crazy and almost fail. Well I got most of that out in high school so I didn't party as much as most students my age. I actually made the dean's list my first two years in school. After my ex and I's relationship dwindled down hill he kind of stopped caring about life in general it was very odd, he became a very pessimistic and angry person. I hated to see him like that and although I was the one that ended our relationship I tried to hold on for a long time since we had dated for almost 5 years. I think during this process I tried to help him so much by sympathizing and trying to think like he did. He was very, very intelligent and I could never quite figure him out. Even after five years of dating I still did not know the real him, which seems like a red flag, it's quite obvious now but I was blinded by that at the time. 

As it goes, I think the point of my story is to understand a bit about me as a person, why it is so difficult for me to take control. It is something I have struggled with long before Debbie came around. I have not told her much about this but I have touched base on it a few times. --I hate taking control.-- I know a mistress should never think that and I'm working through it on a day to day basis. I guess I know that with control comes responsibility and I already have so much responsibility it is hard to think of taking on more. I want to do this though which is why every day I think to myself "You can do this! You're going to be amazing at it just like everything else!"  I know how corny that sounds but honestly, anything I can do to help myself is good for me! I want to be successful at this so badly, I think my fear of hurting Debbie comes from my past relationship, I know people always say once you're done with a relationship it's in the past, well if you're a real mother fucking person you know that's NOT true. I strongly dislike when people try to tell you how it "should" be. 

I believe in time, and once we really get into a rhythm, I will truly be amazing at this. I know I need to "overcome" my fears from my past relationship but I also know that I was the one that hurt that person so badly and I don't want to ever let that happen again. I am getting myself into the mind set of " you will not physically hurt her. You will hurt her pride and her mind, but that is okay! That must happen in order for this to work!" I just have to keep telling myself that! 

I know with my drive that once I really get into it there is probably no going back, which I'm sure she's worried about. If this sounds like I "know" what she's thinking, I don't. I try very hard not to read her blog. It is a place for her to get away and just write about things, FLR, our relationship in general and just needs to be a stress free place for her to go away to.  Will I always let her keep a blog? YES! I do not give a shit what anyone says I should or shouldn't do about this aspect. I think it is very healthy for her and she has to have a place to get away. That is why I try so hard not to read it. I do not necessarily want to know what she is thinking about how awful I am... I know how awful I am!!!! hahaha! Gotta keep it light every now and then!

I am excited to say the least. I know this will go far and I'll probably loose all of my readers by the time we're balls to the wall... literally. Honestly, I'm okay with that. This is a place for ME to go to talk to myself about this relationship and sometimes just life in general. I think everyone needs a place for that. Normally it would be my studio but with this new small business I'm setting up I'll be in there a lot!

Talk soon.

Madam Vittoria.

Vanilla life sucks...

This is going to be a short post, my computer still does not let me comment on here for some reason. I have tried everything and it is a little frustrating to not be able to reply. :/
To reply to the last comment, thanks! I did not even think about plus size stores, there is one close to my work and close to our house so I'm going to swing by in the morning! I thought TJ Maxx or Marshalls would have some, because they have everything! I had no luck.

So, we are still on our way to having a clutter free home which feels really amazing. I knew I had always wanted to de-clutter and organize but I never thought we'd have time to do it.
It makes a huge difference. I know this is boring the past few days, but bare with me I know things are going to pick up quick very soon. I can feel it.

I am going to kind of post about how my mind has been working through this process... So normally I get extremely horny before going to bed which is why I like Debbie to let me fall asleep with his face in my arse. I know it probably doesn't seem like I'm doing any work that way but it feels so good. It also puts her into her place before going to bed, which is a good thing. So another thing that constantly goes through my mind, mostly when I'm at work, I always am thinking of tying her up. We have not experimented much with bondage but when I did tie her up I was really good at it. ;) I had a lot of fun doing it so I'm thinking that in order to get us on a fun motivating ride is to use bondage. I think it would really help us get into a rhythm. I know we are terrible at getting a rhythm and sticking to it. I am going to be much better about this as soon as the house is perfect. WE HAVE A LOT OF SHIT! It is a little ridiculous... most of it's mine... ugh!

Well I suppose that after I buy some heels I will get to have some fun tying her up while she's dressed up. That sounds like so much fun right now. I often imagine how great her face will look when she's begging me to let her out of the bondage and heels that are locked to her little sissy ankles.
Oh I cannot wait for this to happen. I plan on all the things happening now but sometimes life just gets in the way and you really cannot help it. In due time, all of my dreams for sissy will come true and I believe I will be extremely happy.

Making her mine.

Well, I made a promise to myself I will post everyday... I am holding myself to that promise! Today did not go as I planned, all day at work I was thinking about how my day would "start" when I got home.

Just a quick look at what I had planned for...

I get off work at five, as I'm driving home on my short fifteen minute commute I ponder how my night will play out with sissy. I'm listening to wav files, since I still do that on a regular basis, it helps free my mind of the days work and I really like Elena's voice. :) As I'm listening to my files the phone vibrates from a text, I ignore it because I always feel in some what of a trance when listening to the files. That is the point anyways right? So I'm almost home when the phone rings, I always call slave before I get into the car to tell her I'm on my way and normally I say she needs to be ready for me. She didn't answer when I called so when she called me back she told me of what her "plans" were. I kind of laughed because I told her she doesn't get to make plans. She asked me kindly to hear her out. I did. I actually liked what she had asked of me. She wanted to detail and organize the house. I feel our house is always pretty clean but sissy is VERY disorganized. I can be disorganized but once I organize something I feel so good and I try to keep it nice and tidy for as long as possible. I love when items have a "home". Well slaves idea was to seriously deep clean the entire house which I have to normally keep her on track but honestly I was kind of out of it so I was not on point with my areas to clean at first. After some food and coffee [yes, at 7:00 at night, I'm addicted to coffee] I felt alive and I got on the ball! I hate dirty bathrooms it really disgusts me, so I told slave I was going to work on the bathroom. Normally I would not help her with the chores but I figure if we get it really nice, organized and clean once it will be easier for slave to clean quickly each day so I can use her more conveniently. Slave did a great job on the kitchen the living room and the bedroom. I only cleaned the bathroom. :) Now I'm going to supervise for the rest of the week on some serious house cleaning/gutting. I am so excited for this process to get a head start! After this week of serious detailing we will finally be able to have some fun because the stress of the house is lifted away!

So I have looked at every store I can possibly think of and none of them carry the size 12.5 or 13 I need in women's heels. I REALLY hate buying things like shoes without seeing them first and being able to feel them and such but I guess I'm going to have to dive off the deep end. I guess I will be measuring and ordering shoes and hope they fit well. I think I want to go with red patent heels...hmm I guess we'll see ;) .

I am going to really "dress her up tomorrow''- aka wig, makeup, hoes, everything! I am excited about it too. Maybe I can get a snapshot for evil plans later on  he he he....

Exhaustion can get the best of us.

Well this past week started off good and ended in a slump. I thought I had enough momentum to keep things up but it is very difficult to balance work and this lifestyle. I'm really bad at time management and it's something I struggle with everyday. I'm never late to work. I think I've been late two times in the past year and one was because of a car accident. I'm an all star when it comes to work. It exhausts me too! I feel like I run circles around everyone else at my company but it's because I'm a go- getter, I like to see productivity. If I don't see that I loose interest very quickly. I think that us the reason I stayed in the restaurant biz for so long. I have finally got myself out if that lifestyle, mostly so I could start this one. So my new goal is to work on time management. I cannot say for sure that I will be able to go full bore at this every single night, but I will attempt to do my very best.
I have three jobs, one real job and two side jobs I do from home. If I do not keep the momentum up in all parts of my life I'm  not going to be successful at any of the things I have going on right now. I need to set goals. If I don't keep telling myself thus every day I know I'll loose interest. Sorry if I sound like a broken record but I know how quickly things can spiral out of control when I don't repeat myself.

This past week was brutal, I got 2 more clients I have to get work done for and I started an at home business, mostly to support all these fun things I want to buy! I'm really saving towards the max cita I think I will make Debbie pay for part of it, but she's already purchased so many if the things I've asked for I feel like it's my turn. On top of all thus there was a death in the family which is always a downer. It is hard to juggle all of the things that life throws at you. I know these next few weeks are critical to my success so I need to stop letting my feelings get hurt everytime she thinks I'm being " mean " to her. I know I can do this and I need to keep telling myself that ill be good at it.

I'm not saying that I'm going to easy into thus next week but I think our strong points are the weekends and I think that is when most of the essential training will take place. I am going to purchase heels tomorrow, I really want to humiliate her by taking her to the store and making her try on. Oh that would be wonderful! In due time.... Well I am making it a goal to post every day this week! Even if work gets crazy I'm going to squeeze in time!

Cheers for now!

Answer's to questions... my blog will not let me comment right now.

I will check out the site and make her come up with a good list for me! That's a great idea, I have not heard of that site before so I'm excited to check it out. Just on a side note, I'm simply looking for local dommes to have someone I can talk to in person rather than just the internet. I love all the insight from people on here, but it is nice to have someone you can sit down and talk to about specific ideas, questions, and just general thoughts. I would never bring someone into my bedroom/home that I was not completely comfortable with, I would have to know them pretty well for that... I really do not like meeting people from online anyways, never have, it has actually always creeped me out but this is a little different. To answer your question about the heels, yes I know it is two sizes up from women's. My best friend is gay and does drag sometimes so I know plenty about that. I am also planning on doing more femming over time. We used veet gel cream and it worked well at first, in small areas, but on the large areas it made her pretty sensitive and break out in bumps. Next time I'm going to try just her thighs and see if it works and if it doesn't I will just do shaving/waxing again. The veet made her SUPER SMOOTH, WAY smoother than razors for the first day or so before the bumps broke out. So it's really just testing out different options. I know it is an excuse. It is still sometimes hard for me to get past the "oh I'm hurting her." it will soon pass... I know it will I just need to adjust my thoughts that some pain and discomfort is going to happen. The "good boy" trigger, I don't know if i can change it, it is not my file to change. I do not have the voice for a wav file, it would sound terrible, so when I get the extra cash to have one custom made I may be able to have Elena [that's who makes the files] change it from "good boy" to "good girl". Yeah I mean I don't think just me trying to change it from "good boy": to "good girl" would work. I haven't looked into it though and I can always try however, I am not sure about all the aspects of hypnosis. I love the dildo idea! That sounds like a plan! I have seen a few bdsm vids with the dildo in the front and back. It looks intriguing. I plan on starting a workout routine this week including brazilian butt lifts and ab workouts to flatten and tone her little sexy little body up. [Really she just needs to tighten her butt and slim down her belly so she isn't flabby anymore.]

I also wanted to talk about something that has been on my mind. I would like to do this 24/7 but I feel like life just gets in the way. I do a few side jobs which sometimes require me to have guests over for extended periods of time. I don't normally get off work until after Debbie so I cannot plan them before she gets home. I guess it is just a fact that sometimes hours will be lost to life!? I know [and hope] this doesn't happen too often but when it does it makes me want to do more and more for longer periods of time into the night but I can't because we both have to get up early for work. Debbie says it's all about time management, which I know is right but where do you find time? Even quitting my second job [even though it was only 2-3 days extra per week] did not give me that much more time during my week. I guess I feel like most of our training and long periods of isolation will be on the weekends for now, until I can manage my time better. I feel like I have the answers but it is hard to put them into action. I want to train for 3 hours or do files for a certain amount of time but if I'm not here it is difficult to 'know' they are happening.

Debbie is very honest and I know if I tell her to do something she will do it. I have already made her a calendar and she has specific chores she must do daily and wear her "maid" uniform while doing them. I feel like I am doing the right things but I want faster results... I guess I may be a little impatient when it comes to training and such.

I know patience is key. Any pointers on how to be calm and assertive and get your point across? I get frustrated easily so sometimes it is hard for me to say what I want without sounding "mean" or "too aggressive".

The past few days have just been busy, chores, maid uniform and so on. I will be pulling out some new tricks tomorrow.

Thanks coach ;)

Ahhh... the life of a Domme.

I just want to say how EXHILARATING it is to come home to a super clean house after working all day. I LOVE MY SLAVE! She has been doing so well the past week and I'm very proud of her. She has done [almost] everything I have asked. There have been a few misunderstandings, but I need to be more clear and direct I suppose.

I know it looks silly, but I love it!

First something that has been on my mind... I promise I will try to post as often as possible, with my job and trying to finish our house work [painting and such] it is difficult to find time for everything! If you comment I will try to get back with you as soon as possible. You can always e-mail me at madamvittoria@gmail.com as well. [it's linked to my phone so I will see the message asap] :) I also want to say thank you to everyone that has been viewing my blog. I love feedback and any insight into this lifestyle. Again, this is our third time around so all feedback is greatly appreciated. I would really be interested in finding other local FemDommes as well so if anyone knows how to do that [safely!!!!] I would be more than grateful. :) This lifestyle is so interesting and I am of the mindset that you only live once so live it to the fullest!
I am also on chastitymansion.com  mistress_isan_artform if any of you are interested. Very interesting stories. The main reason we got into this was because of Mobico's story on the site! :) LOVE IT!
Also, if I use any "incorrect" verb-age on here please correct me so I will not sound incompetent in the future. :) thanks!

An overview of the past few days... AHH I love being in charge. It makes me all wet and feel so good all over. We have not had the most exciting past few days because it was my birthday and I had to work all day this weekend. I finally started my training, which will proceed tomorrow [she is out of town today :(  ] So, just to back track a bit I started training on Thursday [I already posted ab this but I will give an overview] I put on some tall sexy hot pink heels and pranced around the house shaking my ass... I have not found a pair of 11 size heels yet... any idea where to get some?! Once I do have some I will be purchasing a heel locker. They are super cute and seem convenient. After I shook my ass pretty hard back and forth, back and forth I decided to make her "pretend" to be walking in heels. It was awesome! She did a pretty good job to be honest. Then I started to make her crawl! It was fantastic watching her little ass shake back and forth as she crawled around on the ground! This will become a daily ritual. We were pretty busy working on the house last night so we didn't get to train but if she comes back early tonight I will definitely make her do a few hours of training with some files to listen to!

This is a pair of undies I want to purchase!
I will add extra frilly lace around the top!

I have also decided I will be making her listen to files while she is doing her daily chores. Sort of like listening to music, but instead it will be chastity files that revolve around "obeying women", "accepting domination as a good thing", "being a good boy", and many others! I have been working on different playlists I want her to listen to and so far I have about 7 with different mixtures of the hypnosis files.

You're probably thinking I'm a crazy bitch? Not really, the files, I have noticed, are very helpful. They are helpful for both of us.It calms her mind and it helps her see me as the one in control which makes me less frustrated. Plus the "triggers" she uses in the files REALLY work!!! I mean if I say "good boy" she pipes up and looks at me with a strange yet focused look. It is pretty amazing.

I plan on doing some hardcore training this week. I am thinking other than heel training I want to do something more intense... I just haven't thought of it yet... any ideas?! I would love some good ideas on training. My coach as I'll call her comes up with some pretty fantastic things but I would like a little more input on this.

So about this weekend, I do not normally work weekends but there were some problems with this last schedule. On Friday night we went to dinner, which was my favorite restaurant and it was absolutely amazing! It always is when we do go... but besides that we actually went to sit on a hillside and watched the stars. It was a bit foggy out so we could not see that far but it was still a gorgeous view and very special... she told me she had it all planned out the only problem was it was not comfortable... I told her to bring a blanket but she said she had it taken care of. Next time I WILL be the one to determine if it is actually taken care of. I did not complain since she went out of her way to make me happy. [I complain a lot!] But overall it was a beautiful evening. Slave is very lucky to have me ;).

So Sunday night I was looking forward to starting some new training, but slave got home pretty late from her trip :( . It is okay though, I am going to be doing a lot of isolation and files this week along with training to get her into a rhythm. I am going to try to get a custom file made in the next couple weeks! I am very excited about this. I want the file to be completely revolved around diapers and how she is a "good boy" if she uses them. "Good boy'' seems to be the best trigger, I love it! She sometimes flinches when I say it still. I have been slapping a lot I've noticed. If slave does not do something I say as soon as I say it I've been slapping her face. Or if she says something I do not like. Which kind of gets me hot. Hehehe. I love this lifestyle so much.

I've noticed the gag hurts quit a bit, and she chokes on her own spit or she cant swallow so it just drools out of her mouth. It's kind of gross, any one have any clues on how to stop that? I have it pulled on the next to last loop so she can't get the gag out of her mouth, but if she can't swallow I'm not sure if that is bad or not? I am still working with the posture collar but she can only handle it for so long. I actually used it on myself to see how bad it was... goddamn it hurt like a bitch! I pretended to be a badass and told her she was a pussy for thinking it hurt so bad but it really does not feel good. So, I'm working on building time up with it during chores, especially during ironing! It makes her iron faster...

I will update tomorrow after our training session and let you know how it goes. I'm pretty excited. If I do not find heels this week I think I'm going to buy some online. I've seen some awesome ballet heels online at sissystore.com but I think she'll have to build up to those. :D

Bye for now!