Inconsistent much?

I just want to start out by saying how jealous I am of all the mistresses/dommes out there that have the energy and the drive to be consistent 24/7. I KNOW I am suppose to be consistent and work on this and train day in and day out. But it's so hard!!! How do you train for an hour or two after a 9 hour work day? I only get a 30 min break and honestly, I normally work through it... It's so frustrating because I want to be the best at this but right now, I'm not. I was at work all day yesterday and I had everything planned out- the " perfect evening". [This is how I planned it all out in my head] It was going to start by me coming home and slave properly greeting me, then she'd cook dinner in her outfit, then I was going to start her new outfit while she was locked up listening to her files, in her room she built. I figured I would let her listen to the files for about an hour or two and I would have the vibrator in her the whole time! I then wanted to take her with the strap on right before going to bed. I just wanted to mind fuck her, while fucking her literally. WELL... kir-splat! I get home and am pooped and just put her diaper on and tie her to the bed and play files. I can tell when the files have not worked. She has this look in her eyes when they sink in deep and she usually hugs me or asks me questions in a different tone. It is interesting to see, it's almost like an instant change in her personality. Well when she was done listening to her files she just seemed frustrated. It is SO hard for me not to read her blog!!! It would be the easiest way ever to see what she's thinking- however I promised her I would post on my blog daily and I would let her have her blog as a "safe place" for her. I just wish she would tell me if there is something wrong or frustration. I know how easily frustration could lead to not wanting to do this anymore--and I REALLY do not want that to happen!! Anyways, I mean there was nothing special about last night but she always has these excuses that make sense to me. I know she's doing it to see how easy it is for her to get out of doing chores or wearing her outfit. I'm NOT letting that happen anymore! I know how conniving she can be and I need to stop letting her get in my head. I hate to do it because it makes me sad but I think I'm going to break down and start gagging her from the time I get home.. I know it's a good training technique but I hate to use the gag all the time. I ENJOY talking to my little sissy when I get home from a long day. I don't tell her this often but I think I enjoy talking to her more at the end of a work day than any other time. She always makes me laugh about stupid things and just makes me smile after stressful days.

I guess I have a problem with associating dominate with mean. I am realizing now that they do not go hand in hand. Actually, I believe they should probably be kept separate  or bad things could happen. So I need to work on the tone in my voice... I don't really know how to though?!! Any ideas let me know. My slave ALWAYS thinks I'm mad, I'm seriously never really mad at her- ever! I think I've had this problem my whole life. I guess when I think someone is not listening I strain my voice and it makes my tone get angry sounding. I remember in high school I would repeat something more than once to one of my friends and they'd think I was being bitchy towards them, I would always think to myself "WTF?!".
I know that was a ramble but it's just been on my mind.

So tonight was different. I did something that most D's would think is wrong or should not ever happen but hey! we're human! I am not at all regretful for what I did tonight plus it was kind of an amazing experience for me. I like to play with sissy's clitty when ever she listens to the files [although I didn't last night :/] I really think it makes her associate pleasure with hypnosis which will lead to better results- I hope! Well I was using the butt plug at first to get her hole ready for me and then I got the vibrator out, she goes nuts when I use it on her. I guess I got really horny and decided what the hell I should just ride her for a minute to make her get even more riled up. I put on the hypnosis file "cum for your mistress" and put two condoms on and just went at it. We haven't had "Sex" in a long time so I got off quite a few times pretty quickly and it was fucking awesome it felt so good to be riding her on top while she was chained to the bed in fishnets, maids outfit, blindfolded, with lingerie on. I guess I kind of had the same power trip like when I was using the strap on. It was not like I was getting off to just sex it was way more intense than sex. That was kind of the point when I started thinking I was more of that feeling. So I guess it made me remember how I felt with the strap on so I think I'm going to start preparing her for the strap on more often! I want to get a vibrating one I think, or a two sided one! I did not let her hump or get off while I was riding her but I gave her a ruined orgasm afterwards to drain her, I haven't quit got the milking down yet :/ . I think I need to watch some more videos on that. I've seen quite a few and I have the right tools so IDK maybe I need to be more patient. So yes, I guess I could say I've been pretty damn inconsistent but I swear I plan on getting better every day. I mean I guess this is really a learning process for both of us. I'm going to fuck up and so is she. I'm not going to punish myself for doing something that not every D would do because every one is different I guess.

Now for a map of my next year- This was kind of requested so I guess I'm going to try to make this as good/realistic as possible.

Two weeks from now- I plan to really get into the groove of things. I'm will be more consistent and train much better on a daily basis.
Three weeks from now- I really want to start getting back into bondage! I was good at it when we tried and I want to start getting really consistent at using bondage more often and in more fun ways!
Four weeks from now- I want to have the max cita ordered and the new cage ordered! I want to start using them on a daily basis!!!
Six weeks from now- I want her to be completely dependent on diapers! I want her to have extra soakers for night time, day time diapers and multiple covers to fit my mood!
Eight weeks from now- I want her to be completely broken in and trained. I want to say a word, phrase or snap and her to instantly turn into my little bitch about anything. At this point I would like to have another local D that could come over and babysit if needed so I can go have girl night and embarrass her exponentially.
Twelve weeks from now- sleeping in the kennel on a nightly basis or crib if I get one.
Eighteen weeks from now- basically mine. At this point pretty much I won't have to say or do anything for myself anymore- she will be 100% loyal and dedicated to me so I won't have to train as much at this point- she should be fully trained and know everything I want or need, when I need it.

This is just a starting point. I can get more detailed later. I think this is just a rough draft type of thing :) hehe. I don't really know "where" I want this to be a year from now. Will I cuckold? I don't know yet. I'm not under the impression that every slave must be cuckolded. I just don't think that's my thing- but that could totally change.
If there is anything that could be added let me know. I will also think about this more over the next few days. Like I stated this is a very rough draft of what I would like to do over the next few weeks. I know it seems "lacking" right now, but this is a very non detailed idea of what I would like.

Talk soon.